The If I were an Evil Overlord… List: a blueprint for success or just as flawed as the evil geniuses it mocks? Let’s find out.
If I were an Evil Overlord… When the rebel leader challenges me to a one-on-one fight, and asks “Or are you afraid to face me without your goons to back you up?” My reply will be “No, I’m not afraid… Just sensible.” And then I will shoot him.
Swapping spit – A love story.
If I were an Evil Overlord… When I have the fair maiden nicely tied up and am ready for a good gloat, I will not lean down and stare into her space from a distance of inches. She will just spit on me. If I absolutely have to do some close, face-to-face gloating, I’ll make sure she’s gagged first.
So is this a good rule or not, and can we do better?
It’s about people coming together.
If I were an Evil Overlord… When the time comes to unite the world’s diverse underworld elements into one massive criminal organization, the meeting with my underbosses will not feature the elimination of the vociferous objectors and the intimidation of the rest. Rather, it will feature the deputization of the most powerful that I can control easily and the elimination of the rest.
Once again, we have to divide this one up to make sense of it.
If I Were The Evil Overlord… When the time comes to unite the world’s diverse underworld elements into one massive criminal organization, the meeting with my underbosses will not feature the elimination of the vociferous objectors and the intimidation of the rest.
There’s a good idea here. Killing an underboss creates a power vacuum in his organisation which may end in an internal conflict rupturing that group. There is also the idea that this will stop constructive criticism and turn your followers into Yes Men. However, the meeting in question is obviously either the gathering of the bosses to create one massive villainous organisation with the resources necessary for the ultimate goal of world domination. The underboss refusing to play along or leave the group is not constructive criticism it halts the entire plan.
If I Were The Evil Overlord… When the time comes to unite the world’s diverse underworld elements into one massive criminal organization, the meeting with my underbosses it will feature the deputization of the most powerful that I can control easily and the elimination of the rest.
The concept of deputization is bit redundant, since that is the point of the entire of the meeting. So, now, let’s look at “the most powerful that I can control easily”. Obviously, the most powerful will be the hardest to control. However, simply eliminating them won’t be enough, as their organisation will still be powerful and their people having a reason to hate you and all of the reasons given not to kill dissenters apply. Next the “control easily” part. If you can easily control them, surely they can be easily controlled by others.
Summary:
The point is that this sort of high level management is far, far more complex than this rule would imply, so lets try:
RULE #440
When the time comes to unite the world’s diverse underworld elements into one massive criminal organization, I will do whatever is required to bring them together in the best way possible. If that requires the killing of vociferous objectors and the intimidation of the rest I will do that, I will do that. If it requires their elimination of the deputization of the most powerful that I can easily control and the elimination of the rest, I will do that. If it requires a more subtle approach or a more complex answer, that will be what I do.
Refutation:
If you can think of anything wrong with the new rule, or prefer the old one, please go ahead and comment…
~ DUG.
Is there really a place for psychopaths in your organisation?
If I were an Evil Overlord… While deformed mutants and oddball psychotics will certainly have their place in my Legions of Terror, I will not send them out on missions that require tact or subtlety.
The “If I Were The Evil Overload” list is an attempt to poke fun at film, television and literary tropes and make a list that the super-villain should follow but don’t leading to their eventual downfall. This blog is designed to debunk some of these rules as just as flawed…
This one needs a little bit of parsing. As I see it it’s saying a number of different things:
If I were an Evil Overlord… While deformed mutants will certainly have their place in my Legions of Terror.
This is certainly in line with most Equal Opportunity legislation. Although, I’m not sure that “deformed mutants” is the PC term for the genetically non-typical. Being an Evil Overlord outside the law, clearly EO laws don’t need to be followed, but this rule shows a clear desire to follow them.
If I were an Evil Overlord… While oddball psychotics will certainly have their place in my Legions of Terror.
I can’t say anything better about this one that Mr White from Reservoir Dogs: “A psychopath ain’t a professional. You can’t work with a psychopath. You don’t know what those sick assholes are gonna do next.”
If I were an Evil Overlord… While deformed mutants will certainly have their place in my Legions of Terror, I will not send them out on missions that require tact.
OK, I’m really not sure where this type of discrimination comes from. Are genetically non-typical known for their lack of tact and I’m unaware of it? And can someone who uses the term “deformed mutant” to describe someone really talk about tact without sounding hypocritical. This seem to be a clear Equal Opportunity breach. We’ll remove it.
If I were an Evil Overlord… While deformed mutants will certainly have their place in my Legions of Terror, I will not send them out on missions that require subtlety.
I’m guessing “missions that require subtlety” means missions that need the operative not to stand out or be remembered, not more discrimination against genetically non-typical. Certainly, not standing out is necessary in missions that require not standing out.
If I were an Evil Overlord… While oddball psychotics will certainly have their place in my Legions of Terror, I will not send them out on missions that require tact.
Right, we’ve discussed psychopaths and whether they’re a good idea. They can be very well at fitting in and faking tact. But you never know. We’ll keep this one.
If I were an Evil Overlord… While oddball psychotics will certainly have their place in my Legions of Terror, I will not send them out on missions that require subtlety.
Once again, they are good at pretending to fit in, so subtlety they can fake. But you never know when they’ll snap. Once again, we’ll keep it.
Summary:
I think the rule needs to be reworked as:
RULE #441
Although not required to, I will follow Equal Opportunity laws. The genetically non-typical will have their place in my Legion of Terror, but if the things that make them different are not suited to a specific mission, they will not be assigned to it. Oddball psychopaths have certain talents that may be useful, but their unreliability and the danger to other employees make them unusable.
Refutation:
If you can think of anything wrong with the new rule, or prefer the old one, please go ahead and comment…
~ DUG.
Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.
If I Were The Evil Overlord… While it may be tempting to use an Ultimate Weapon or Spell with a rare, almost impossible to exploit tiny flaw to accomplish my goals, if many Penultimate Weapons or Spells with no such flaw can achieve the same effect, I will employ them instead.
The “If I Were The Evil Overload” list is an attempt to poke fun at film, television and literary tropes and make a list that the super-villain should follow but don’t leading to their eventual downfall. This blog is designed to debunk some of these rules as just as flawed…
The point of this blog is to explore and debunk the popular internet meme “If I was an Evil Overlord…” list. Just as the original lists are meant to be fun and are not meant as attacks on fiction, this list is meant to be fun and not an attack on the original list. You may say that this blog is overthinking the original list, just as some may say that the original list is overthinking escapist fiction.
Super Villain Advice 