As a Super Villain of some renown I know everything there is to know about being a super villain and I’m here to help you with useful advice.
This isn’t an Ask Me Anything. I’m not here to explain why super villains do things, but rather to help you with your problems being, becoming and maintaining a life as a super villain, or as a hero, civilian or henchman dealing with super villain related problems.
Advice columns come in many types, but as I know everything I can help with any aspect, such as…
Romance: Are you a super villain in love with a super hero? Are you afraid your partner is cheating on you with the hero? Is the busy life of a super villain stopping you finding love? I can help with these or any other question you may have.
Finances: Having trouble funding your latest Doomsday Device? Getting started and wondering if Kickstarter is the way to go? Looking for the best way to launder the money you made holding the world to ransom? I can help with these or any other question you may have.
Parenthood: You’ve just discovered your girlfriend is pregnant, but a prophecy states you will be murdered by and replaced by your own son? You suspect your daughter is sleeping with your nemesis, should you accept the relationship or try to warn her he’s only doing it to get to you. I can help with these or any other question you may have.
DIY: Problems getting your doomsday weapon to work and need help fixing it? Found an ideal secret base but need advice to get started renovating it? I can help with these or any other question you may have.
Fashion: Are capes in or out this year? Where do you get 5,000 black uniforms with matching boots and helmets in a hurry? I can help with these or any other question you may have.
Career Advice: Too many choices? Too few choices? Tell me your skills and interests and I’ll help you pick a super villain vocation. Considering becoming a Henchmen? I’ll tell you what to look out for. I can help with these or any other question you may have.
~ Doom’s Unending Guardian.
The above is carried out by professional Super Villains. Do not try it at home.