Even Super Villains need advice. Ask an expert, Ask a Super Villain…
The following question was asked on Google+…
As a Super Villain of some renown I know everything there is about being a super villain, and I’m here to help you with advice…
…unfortunately, I can’t help with this question. I’m not currently a queen and as a cisgender male villain seem unlikely to become one in the near future. So to avoid the danger of mansplaining, I’ve asked a former flatmate from my university days, an expert assassin and someone who’s been a queen on no less than three separate occasions, Hollow Point, to help:
1. How to be come an Evil Queen:
(a) By right of evil birth.
(b) By right of marriage.
(c) By right of evil conquest.
2. Pay: Determined by the system of government you allow. If you become an absolute monarch you get paid more but you have to determine your own pay and it’s more work. If you set up some sort of democratically elected government they’ll probably pay you less but they’ll take most of the blame for your decisions.
3. Benefits: Handsome princes want to put their sword in you. Everyone tells you that they think you’re beautiful. A mirror, crystal ball, bowl of water or other reflective surface which allows you to watch what anyone in the land is doing at any time. The right to spend the night with any bride on the night they are married. Pale/white skin without the need for make-up to make it so. Unlimited shoes. The ability to turn into any one animal of your choice. No need for funeral insurance as you’ll probably melt, disintegrate, burn instantly to ash or explode. A full staff of incompetents willing to instantly fail to carry out your every wish. Beautiful long flowing dresses which show a lot of cleavage.
For comparison, I would like to briefly discuss becoming an Evil King:
On point 1, to become an Evil King, (b) does not apply as you cannot become a King by marriage. If (a) applies to you, it may have to be coupled with killing your nephew after your older brother’s mysterious death, but be warned nephews are notoriously hard to kill.
On point 2, the same rules apply, although it should be noted that you will be able to pay yourself more as an Evil King than as an Evil Queen.
On point 3, the benefits are basically the same, however: you probably won’t see princes wanting to put their sword in you as a benefit. People call you “clever and powerful” rather than “beautiful.” You’ll probably spend more time using the viewer alone with the door locked. The beautiful flowing dresses will be called robes (they won’t be any different, but they’ll be called robes.) Words ending in “itch” (whether they start with “W” or “B”) will probably not be put in front the word “King” by people describing you.
I’d like to thank HP for her help in answering today’s question, and I’d like to remind people that she is currently a queen, so bow down to her if you want, bow to her if you meet her out and about.
~ Doom’s Unending Guardian.