Even Super Villains need advice. Ask an expert, Ask a Super Villain…
As a Super Villain of some renown I know everything there is about being a super villain, and I’m here to help you with advice…
… unfortunately I can’t help with this question. I’m a bit of a recluse, so I don’t seek companionship that much. I do spend time with henchmen and minions, and that’s certainly enough for me. My old weapon designer used to always ask me what I was doing and trying to spend time with me, so I figured she’d be great to answer this question for you.
Upon ending a night of love making with a woman of fleeting acquaintance I noticed, in passing, a missive crumpled and banished into a waste container. One often sees such things and cares not and, but for a moment of recognition, this epistle too would have been quickly forgotten. For the name of the letter was one known to me, a name invoking memories of a time whence I knew its owner. Seeing such a name drew me in to pursue the discarded communication. A simple reading revealed the familiar unfounded arrogance, incoherent writing style and the absence having any clue that confirmed for me that the writer was one and the same individual that I had shared an abode with during a mutual enjoyment of the University experience.
Pilfering the letter I had found, I wrote one of my own to leave to thank my nocturnal companion. My note to her, and this one to you, avoids naming the woman, for not only does a gentlemen does not boast of his conquests, but also though she surely had a name, it is one that as already fled my memory.
So, this is why the reply to your query comes not from the person to which you sent it but from your archaic academic accommodation acquaintance Byron Lord.
As is your way it seems you merely perused the sentence commencing said letter, misinterpreted it and foregoning further investigation, relied on your faith in your self-perceived intellect to assume the complete work. As such, you regrettably came to the conclusion that the advice required was about social intercourse, when it was, in fact, about intercourse of with a similar sounding and very different modifier.
You are asked about the oft unrequited fascination that villains are supposed have with their with the present or potential paramours of their heroic nemeses. Once more I will not reveal the specifics of the ladies mentioned, for gentlemenly reasons, but will suffice to remark that in the first case a long term series of brief physical encounters did not allow the annoyance to become as unbearable as it may have if more time was spent or conversation occurred with her and with the other the comments you make are closer to the truth than you may think, for an event of that nature occurred during an intimate moment between myself, the hero’s girlfriend that you mentioned and that same hero’s college girlfriend with the same initials. Chivalry precludes giving details of the encounter, but the fact that one of the woman has a mermaid’s tail probably renders, in your imagination, an approximation of the act.
As to what fires the loins of the villain about the heroine more than the villainess the answers are as many and varied as the villains themselves. Some would blame the Danaë Effect: the challenge, the unattainability, the taboo. Others would see her as a Bathesheba: yet another prize to be won off the hero. Some are merely realistic and just consider the undeniable truth that Super Villains don’t get out much or meet many women.
Why not, your reader ponders, stick with the villainess? Let’s ignore for a moment, the feme fatale. The black widow. The sex-equals-death villainess. Although, you’d it would be forefront in the mind of one with the nom de plume “Mantis.” While the risk can make the sex spicier just remember to use protection: like condoms, a metal neck brace and a stab vest.
Your gentle reader proclaims villainesses are hotter, but forgets that all women are hot in their own way. Your eager reader declares that they are sluttier, but in this we see mere assumptions based on how they dress – woman can wear a skin-tight catsuit to make themselves happy and not to just please men – and even if they are in actuality “sluttier” it just means they aren’t held back by community double standards, it doesn’t mean they’ll sleep with anyone, it’s just that they won’t pretend they think wanting sex is wrong. Women who do not believe in double standards still have standards which precludes most super villains. Finally, your hopeful reader believes that villainesses are impossible to disgust. Your reader obviously hasn’t slept with many of villainesses, in my experience a lot (and I do mean a lot) are fairly easy to disgust. They may wear bondage gear to work, but they can be very vanilla in bed. It’s often the hero’s girlfriend, finally “allowed” to be the bad girl that that really lets herself off the leash (often by asking to wear a leash).
With any luck, that answers your curious reader’s questions. We should catch up again soon. Maybe meet for lunch. You could even bring your mother along. Byron Lord.
Wow, what a blast from the past. I’m not sure that the opinion of an anti-hero is actually very helpful since this is Super Villain Advice, but I’ll print it since I never got a reply from Ursula and can’t be bothered finding someone else to fill the space. Recent success in replacing all the world’s leaders with robot duplicates means I have a lot to do. I know your ongoing sexual exploits keep you pretty busy but try ruling the world sometime. That said, mum remembers you and has suggested that she have dinner with you instead. No need for anything fancy, though, she says she’d love something quick in your hotel room.
~ Dooms Unending Guardian.