Even Super Villains need advice. Ask an expert, Ask a Super Villain…
This following question was asked on Google+ the social networking site masquerading as a ghost town to scare off tourists so its denizens can go about their evil business in secret.
As a Super Villain of some renown I know everything there is about being a super villain, and I’m here to help you with advice…
…as the owner of a number of Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulators and someone who has experienced similar problems with them, I’d like to help. Unfortunately, as I’ve mentioned before I’m not very technically minded (which is why I hire mad inventors to do these things), and so I’ve decided to pass this question onto to the head of my weapons department: Dr Ursula Gunn.
It turns out Dr Gunn no longer works for my organisation, and in fact I was meant to meet with her sometime in February (about the time of my unfortunate accident.) Dr Gunn was replaced by Damien Urkhart-Giles, who took my place at the meeting with Gunn and, if memory serves, took my clothes too. Anyway, over to Damien Urkhart-Giles for the answer:
It seems that Damien Urkhart-Giles never returned from said meeting. I sent members of my Death Squad to look for him and they reported finding nothing at the location but a big red X with a pile of ashes in the center. So instead I’ve gone to my original Death Ray designer “Doomsday” Uriah Gunn, who retired 20 years ago. Here’s his reply:
Ah, yes, the old Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator. The first thing to remember about those is, there are no such thing. The Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator doesn’t exist outside of cartoons featuring Marvin the Martian. The Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulators is just a name that we inventors give to old junk that we can’t get rid of otherwise so we can sell them to gullible super villains.
From your description it sounds like you’re describing a Illudium Q-37 Explosive Space Modulator, which is completely different and a completely real thing.
The problem you’re describing is pretty common. It happens to us all and is completely normal for men once you get to my age. I remember in my teenage years my “Space Modulator” would be all “fired up” every morning leading to many uncomfortably embarrassing family breakfasts. But now, it’s difficult to get “fired up” at all. Like you’ve I’ve tried shaking it around and had a “service engineer” have a tinker with it to no avail.
So… um… where was I… oh, yeah, fixing an old Q-37. You mentioned shaking it around. I wouldn’t recommend you do that again until I can confirm I’m outside the potential blast area. Once I reach the minimum safe distance you can shake the device as much as you want.
The humming sound is just the flow-rate condensed charging and is perfectly normal. Once it reaches 100% and the internal microswitch is engaged it should go off. The rattling noise it is making is just your action causing the internal microswitch engaging and disengaging, once again nothing out of the ordinary. Keep shaking it and it should active
on for you.
As to the explosion size you have to remember that the Illudium Space Modulator was created in 1958 when cities were a lot smaller. You might want to try a Uranium Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator, which although older has a larger effect range.
Thank you, Uriah, and I hope that answered your question Orlando.
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