Even Super Villains need advice. The personal diary of a Super Villain should help…
For those starting out as a Super Villain, the road ahead can seem tough, so here are pages from my personal diary, helping you learn from my experience and showing you how easy it can be.
With Evil Geniuses an increasingly accepted part of society today, the young up-and-coming Super Villain probably doesn’t realise what we had to go through in the early days of morally-ambiguous rights.
To start from the Start: visit the First Entry.
Friday, 07 March 1992
It came time to decide on the house yesterday we decided that since this was a democracy – until the time comes and one of us seizes control of the country – that the house would be too, so we’d vote on it.
The Villains of Evil – who apparently unanimously (they had a vote) think that is the stupidiest name so far – have decided (we had a vote) to rent the Staite Lee-Wain Manor. We ran into some trouble with ID, though. Turns out that Jet Pack Licences and the Library Cards from the Forbidden-Knowledge Library aren’t “appropriate ID” but somehow we managed to bluff our way through.
Saturday, 15 March 1992
Moved into the Staite Lee-Wain Manor today. I hate moving. Having to pack everything into boxes – little boxes – and placing them into Hans Einfeet’s prototype short-rang teleportation device
is so annoying. Hans warned us not to place living animals in the device, but when the Freddy used it he seemed to have forgotten. Seventeen times. It must have really got to him because he was a giggling mess while cleaning up the actual mess.
Dividing up the rooms wasn’t the problem I thought it would be.
Hollow Point decided that she needed the biggest room: “Because.” Byron objected. Subtly stroked one of her guns and said “Because” again. No one objected.
We then voted on who should get the second largest. Hollow Point said she already had her room so didn’t care. Freddy was still too business giggling and cleaning up pet parts to vote. Byron and Dr Twisto voted for Byron having it, I voted for me and Hans voted for Twisto, so Byron got it.
Then Twisto got the third biggest room with her own and Hans’s vote. Then Hans said I could have the next best room and that he’d take the room next to Twisto’s.
That left Freddy to choose between the two remaining rooms. And for us “Evils, Inc” to decide what to do with the spare room.
Sunday, 16 March 1992
“Evils, Inc” had our first house meeting to decide what to do about the spare room, although the first order of business turned out to be a quick and decisive vote against the name “Evils, Inc.” Many uses for the room were proposed: Armoury (Hollow Point), Games Room (Freddy), Science Lab (Dr Twisto), Shared Science Lab/Invention Workshop (Hans) and “A room dedicated to creating the prefect environment for the the seduction of ladies” (Byron). After much heated discussion and a number of mostly-warning shots, we tended to any injuries and decided that the best solution was probably to sub-let the spare room.
There was some give an take about the ad we’d put in the paper for a new housemate. It wasn’t to sound like a personal’s ad asking for hot women only and it wasn’t to be a prank ad and it wouldn’t warn that time-wasters would be shot or use the name “Time Villains.” It was decided that next Saturday’s Super Villains Classifieds were the best place for the ad, not the creation of a device that would use giant lasers to chisel the ad onto the visible face of the moon.
Note: The above is taken from my actual diary written at the time. Some of the names have been changed to protect the evil. For example the name Hans Einfeet is being used to replace the name of the villain Neez N. Tohs.