Even Super Villains need advice. The personal diary of a Super Villain should help…
For those starting out as a Super Villain, the road ahead can seem tough, so here are pages from my personal diary, helping you learn from my experience and showing you how easy it can be.
With Evil Geniuses an increasingly accepted part of society today, the young up-and-coming Super Villain probably doesn’t realise what we had to go through in the early days of morally-ambiguous rights.
Wednesday, 05 February 1992
Group meeting with the Evil Student Counsellor. Fortunately, some of the larger “heroic student” helped the others find their way and stood at the door for the entire meeting to make sure we were all right. I thought that there would be some rejection of us by the rest of the student body, but they all seem so helpful and friendly and everyone seems to know our names and are happy to remind us that we’re evil students.
Since I’m not very good with names (us evil villains are very forgetful, you know), I’ve used one of the friendly warning posters posted around campus to get the names of the other evil students right.
Fred “The Faker” Acre – is trying to be one of those insane prankster jokey villains. He was dressed in motley constantly making snarky comments. Mostly it just seemed forced. It makes me wonder what the other kids did to him to make him this way.
Dr Twisto – say’s she’s a Mad Scientist. Def said that he wasn’t sure if “mad” equated to being actually evil. So Twist got out a set of pictures and showed him. He went pale and accepted her as part of the group. Fred remarked he’d like to “twist” her “oh.” I didn’t know what he meant.
Bryon Lord – said that he was an anti-hero. Freddie noted “everyone hates you when you’re anti” but said that Anti-Heroes were counted as villains at this school. Bry pointed out the word “hero” is in “anti-hero.” Def reminded him that it followed the word “anti.”
Hans Einfeet – was recognised by Def as a Genius Inventor who’d got prizes at a variety of Evil Science Fairs for his inventions. Def asked what he was working on at the moment, to which he replied, “an invention so dastardly, so devious that the whole world will stand up and take notice.” Freddie commented Hans probably wasn’t working on anything right now.
Hollow Point – was dressed entirely in black leather. Tight black leather. So tight, in fact, that she had to have the top half unzipped down to her waist. She also carried a gun that was about a foot longer than she was tall. Def tried to tell her that she couldn’t have a gun on campus, but seemed to become flustered and confused every time he looked at her. Freddie said he’d like to “hollow” her “point.” I didn’t know what he meant.
By the time we’d introduced ourselves there really wasn’t time for the video or the questionnaire, so it was agreed by the other students that we’d meet again tomorrow.
Note: The above is taken from my actual diary written at the time. Some of the names have been changed to protect the evil. For example the name “Def Ray” is being used to replace the name of the former villain “Death Ray.”